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Choosing Your Life Partner.

It is recognized that marriage is probably the most difficult relationship decision we make in our lives. The traditional pattern of introduction to future partners through parents and relations is valid and admirable, but in the West we have to battle with the problems of different nationalities, cast, creed and customs although all within the Muslim community. Often the resistance from first generation parents to fix marriages of their sons and daughters within their own clan and often within their own extended families is very strong and based on traditions rather than Islamic directives. Certainly marriage within close families, although not prohibited (except those that are mentioned in the Quran) ought to be strongly discouraged for well known reasons of biological mishaps.

Our experience, at the Care Link Trust, is that those who apply to be registered with us, are the ones who have probably exhausted this route, but certainly their preference for marriage is not universally recognized within the wider Muslim categories. Adherence to their own national origin is, understandably, the most frequent choice; which then makes those, others, seeking marriage connections, avoid contacting other families for fear of being rejected. This has been reported to us very often. (Some preferences, indicating own village referrals makes marriage possibility even more remote). The other categories of preference are about age, language, skills and, of course, skin colour - although the latter more discretely. We are particularly dismayed at the disproportionate numbers of sisters applying against brothers; a ratio of 3 to 1 is consistent.

We would, therefore, greatly welcome more participation from brothers. Marriage, known as ‘Nikah’ ceremony, as we all know, is the only way and one of the most important commandments of Allah, in Islam for married life.

We are urging our applicants to be far more flexible in their choice of partners rather than being inflexible. We notice that such restrictive choices are hampering early marriages and parents of girls tend to maintain such preferences when their daughters are in their 20s. However, panic begins to strike if no suitors are found for the late 20s or in the 30s, of age, resulting in desperation; and, suddenly, the restrictions on choices tend to get minimized. We, in the Care Link Marriage Council,, urge individuals and parents to take particular notice of this prevailing trait, and please broaden their horizons in order that marriages of their children can take place earlier and within the wider Muslim community, as enjoined in our religion of Islam. We urge you all to bear in mind that we are in UK with very mixed communities where relationships can be founded within Muslims community, independent of different national norms which is a desire we all so devoutly share as parents.

Let us pray to Allah Subhanahu Wa Tallah that He enlightens our hearts even more in this great institution of marriage, and direct us to all that is good and keep us away from all that is otherwise, Inshallah.

Note: We would welcome more comments, opinions and suggestions to improve the procedure and facilitate the marriage connections.



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